I once heard a sober alcoholic say that drinking never made him happy, but it made him feel like he was going to be happy in about fifteen minutes. That was exactly it, and I couldn’t understand why the happiness never came, couldn’t see the flaw in my thinking, couldn’t see that alcohol kept me trapped in a world of illusion, procrastination, paralysis. I lived always in the future, never in the present. Next time, next time! Next time I drank it would be different, next time it would make me feel good again. And all my efforts were doomed, because already drinking hadn’t made me feel good in years.

Captain’s Log

i’m happy to be here, sitting on my living room couch, listening to the drunks outside yelling about the bottle and can redemption machines. putting out my cigarette on a fancy glass ashtray that lilly slaydon got me on a trip somewhere, i don’t remember where.  i walked at emerson college commencement on sunday after five years of handing things in late, and in a month, after i complete my intensive spanish course and some other last-minute crap, i’ll be able to say i’m officially done with college. it’s been 218 days since my last alcoholic beverage, and i’m eating pita bread and waiting 15 minutes for jeopardy to start. my roommate is listening to the new daft punk album behind her bedroom door.

this morning (and by that i mean around one pm) we sat outside of starbucks to drink our coffee, like 80-year-old women do. we walked the long way back to our apartment and laughed our asses off at a decorative black plastic pumpkin in someone’s front garden, singing ‘black pumpkin’ to the tune of ‘black velvet’. we stopped at a playground to swing on the swings. i swinged so high i touched the tip of the branch of the oak tree, barely grazing the leaves with my foot. i marveled at how out of breath i was after simply swinging on a swing. i thought about lighting a cigarette. i felt happy i quit my job a few weeks ago. my roommate and i vowed to clean the apartment this week. again. tomorrow, though. not today. it’s almost time for jeopardy.

Male privilege is “I have a boyfriend” being the only thing that can actually stop someone from hitting on you because they respect another male-bodied person more than they respect your rejection/lack of interest.
I think you should learn, of course, and some days you must learn a great deal. But you should also have days when you allow what is already in you to swell up inside of you until it touches everything. And you can feel it inside of you. If you never take time out to let that happen, then you accumulate facts, and they begin to rattle around inside of you. You can make noise with them, but never really feel anything with them. It’s hollow.
brain-burner:

never forget

brain-burner:

never forget

(via kidstardust)

I’m only interested in people engaged in a project of self-transformation.

hi, i'm mary-kate. i initially got on tumblr as a wide-eyed college freshman to post sunny photos i took in my everyday life, but i now find myself still here on this website at age 23, reblogging memes and using phrases like "reblogging memes". the internet is fucking weird, and we love it, don't we? oh, yes we do.

about me? i'm a slacker in college--excuse me, i mean senior in college--and waitress extraordinaire*. i like most people, so that means i probably like you, statistically speaking. i am a communication studies major at emerson college who would rather mediate conflicts than publicize relations. i think that it's not about the destination, but the journey. that's why i expand my brain with the Metro crossword during my daily public transportation endeavors. i almost always thank the bus driver when i get off the bus, but never thank the T conductor. i mean, he doesn't even have to steer the thing.

here's my locked twitter

ask me anything?

*"extraordinaire" is the french word for "spilly and forgetful" right?